My Nightmare

By Nawlene

One time I had a nightmare that lasted several years.
It seemed so very vivid and played on all my fears.
Though it played in black and white, it's message was clear to me
This was no ordinary dream as you shall surely see.

Portrayed as an embryo inside my mother’s womb,
Effortlessly floating, knowing birth would happen soon.
I moved through a long dark tunnel as it seemed I’d I done before,
Just like running in slow motion down an endless corridor.

My thoughts seemed to be muddled as my memory was erased,
All previous experiences in my mind would be replaced.
I had a heavy feeling as I burst into the world,
I heard someone exclaim with joy, “You have a baby girl!!”

Little did I know how I was soon to be, a tiny new addition to a Mormon family!
I cried. I screamed! I held my breath!  How could this be so?
No wonder I was born feet first, I was reluctant to let go!

The dream continued smoothly throughout my childhood years,
With the normal bumps and bruises as Mom wiped away my tears.
Yet, the colors in the rainbows and the flowers all in bloom,
All shared the same dull, shadowy hues, with a hint of dingy gloom.

I tried in quiet desperation to remember why I came
And why everyone around me seemed to look and act the same.
Whenever I asked questions they would always pat my head
And tell me the same old stories of people who were dead.

It seemed everywhere I turned, they were holding onto me!
They prevented me from running when I wanted to be free.
They dunked me under water that covered up my head
They sat me down and chained my legs and forced me to eat their bread!

My beliefs were structured for me since the time that I could crawl.
I couldn’t see the forest because the trees were just too tall.
I jumped up on a building (remember it’s just a dream)
My view of life was changing but still I couldn’t scream.

I tried to shout it out to them that none of this was right!
But they just kept on pushing me to say my prayers each night.
I tried! I tried! I truly did! But the words would never come
The language they were teaching me was foreign to my tongue!

They introduced me to their god who lords over heaven’s throng
While judging all we do and say and smites us when we're wrong.
The one who asks for money and worship from mankind
That greedy, jealous, needy one was not a god of mine!

It was a strange land with strange ideas and I knew I must escape
Now matter what they thought of me, I knew I couldn’t wait!
Carefully I studied and drew me up a plan
To smash the evil matrix that has always enslaved man.

As the nightmare gave way to silliness I almost laughed out loud,
I discovered I was standing in the middle of a crowd.
We were in a large meeting room and everything was white,
The people mingled quietly, yet they didn’t seem too bright.

They repeated silly phrases and the men wore funny hats
They made gestures to each other,
But there was more to it than that.

They actually believed that god required that they know
The special handshakes and phrases that was really just for show.
To see how much stupidity man would actually endure
They hide the keys to heaven behind an unlocked door.

As dreams can and often do, it makes no sense again
Now I was on the outside of this big building looking in.
I had initiated my escape only to discover
In order to get out, there was another wall to climb over.

My frustration slowly mounted as I tried to climb that wall
There were very few footholds and sometimes none at all,
I clung to tiny handholds, too scared to look around
Then I lost my grip and fell, but never hit the ground.

I have had that falling dream many times.
Yet, it always seems so real.
But this time that freefall dream created a new ideal.

My eyes are wide open now and I am more aware
Colors seem much brighter and Earth’s beauty seems more fair.
As I move deliberately through each day, the nightmares of my past
Slowly fade like a fleeting dream, because I am FREE at last!!!