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The Miracle That Is Me Last Updated: Mar 28, 2022 - 12:08:15 PM

Love and Life Begins at Conception.
Apr 18, 2019 - 6:23:08 PM

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Love and Life  Begins at Conception.

There is a special purpose to the title of this chapter of the Miracle That Is Me.


You see…I survived  an attempted abortion.  The beginning of my story of Miracles.  I want to encourage all who read these stories.. to write your own.. because no matter where your life has led you.. You are your own miracle.  I have always found life to be an miracle anyway.. because even though I am a very old soul from Paradise.. and have vast knowledge and wisdom stored from the long journey from my first human life somewhere in Nebadon to the Center of the Creation and Paradise..I still stand in awe that there is anything at all.


Where did it come from, this creation?  …. MIND…all of it created by Thought.  But we go back to root cause here.. where did MIND come?  And nobody knows for sure.  NOBODY.  The great intelligences of the Creation, the really old Angelic beings.. KNOW how it grows.. but not how it started.  There are no records of the start.  The Great Celestial intelligences born of the Trinity do not know this origin of MIND.


My daffodils are in bloom right now.. soon to be followed by tulips and their beauty is awesome.  The Creating Trinity creates ONLY in Love and my beautiful spring flowers are evidence enough of that.


The Human Beings who have their source on this planet.. know in general NOT who they BE.. YET and its been kept depressed from them.  But Humans are the peak of evolutionary Mind coming out of the seeding of LIFE on worlds such as this.  Yea are made in the Image of the Father because you have CREATING MIND.  Proven by such simple examples as making a new recipe.  In your early stage of development you evolve thru the use of a body with a BRAIN.   Your Brain is not your mind.. but it runs your body and stores your memories and such.  It is much like in a way.. the Hard Drive on your computer.. sending stored stuff in your Ego mind as needed and putting it back in storage often changed by your experiences.


Now.. I want to go to the purpose of sharing this story.  It is often argued that abortion is ok “before the heart beats”… and even well after these days.. the argument on your TV and the Internet that life can be “aborted” even after birth and in cultures in times past it has been alright for parents to kill their children deemed not suitable for whatever reason.  And we still have cannibalism of children and sometimes adults on this world.  There are beliefs the child has no soul until after its born.  But that is a mistaken belief.


On this day as I touch this up and prepare to publish it… It is said a certain state has passed a law that abortion may not be allowed once the heart beat is heard.  Did you know that that the heartbeat can now be heard by 3 weeks and 1 day from conception.. Not this missed period.. from conception.. which occurs about 2 weeks generally before that missed period.  So by the time a period is missed… the heart will be beating in a few days.


For at the time of union of egg and sperm.. new is created at that moment.. a seed is born.  That seed may produce a flower or a frog or a human being depending on the DNA in that seed.  Each produces its own kind.


I hope my telling of my story here will demonstrate something about that early beginning when the seed has begun to grow in the Human Being gifted with an ego mind.. and it is a gift.  The ego makes you an INDIVIDUAL BEING with God Given Mind. Right from the start. Right from the first cell division.   You are different from the animals and plants.  You have Creating Mind already at that time… and that creating mind assists in the creation of your body you will wear.  Now sometimes the process goes wrong for various reasons and the embryo or fetus is discarded by the body.  We call this miscarriage…A carriage that did not go right.


Abortion is the deliberate attempt to terminate a pregnancy.  To MURDER the life of child growing its body within you.  It has rights as the Human Being it already is.  At a normal conception.. one of two things happens.  Either a new human soul is created with an EGO… or  there is an incarnation of a pre existing being.  In some cases that incarnation  is a growing individuated animal  soul ready to start the human experience and there is a type of angel that helps with that discernment in evolution of animal mind.  And during that first human life that animal will usually have opportunity  make a decision to continue the life eternal or not.


Other times its an advanced being incarnating to bring change or study or whatever of many reasons.  And truly sometimes.. if no animals are moving up .. there is truly a new HUMAN being formed.


Since I am a very old being .. in my case.. an incarnation took place and I had a role in creating a body specific to my needs.. one of them being telepathic.  Technically this suit I wear.. and it is a “suit” beloveds.. has 3 parents.  There is the contribution of my earth parents and a contribution of my own spiritual DNA.


At any rate.. I have led a life with a goodly amount of various kinds of pain. And that is the point of this piece I pen this morning.  In May of this year I had an experience directly with a divine being who made an study to gain origin of this life long pain.    And as I suspected it went a long way back… a bit longer than  I suspected.


Our brains accumulate the experiences of this life and culture after all  and it tends to predominate as we experience this world who come from the higher realms.. in fact the Brain is the source of forgotten memories of previous times in fact.. for those of you who still think there was something before and where is your memory of it.. well that comes from your higher self … a difficult word in new age with some many meanings its not understood and in other piece.. I will cover that one.


So any way.. Imagine my surprise when I was told this went all the way back to that attempted abortion.  Now in those days.. there was not legal abortion and all I know is what I was told.. that my Mother took a cocktail of many over the counter pills which also worked at least 5 times more in her life.. as she used to brag… every time as she flushed a pregnancy down the toilet.


Now this is important to realize for the Human conception.  LIFE STARTS AT CONCEPTION.  And SO DOES LOVE.  God is LOVE after all.  Many believe that and rightfully so.. because True Creation does only occur in a state of LOVE.. all of it  The rocks.. the planets.. the suns.. the life … all of it.


So quite apparently this suit I occupy.. my inner child to use that expression… KNEW and  because my Mother never got over her failure that time.. she never forgave ME for being born.. This inner Child ME… for all of us who take on these incarnations are a combination  of our real being and this partnership with the inner child..because of the BRAIN.. We are two in that sense.  The Suit being worn also has its own EGO mind beside the addition of the already existent mind of the incarnating being…And for this piece.. enough right now on that topic.


Now I have accurate memories of my choosing to incarnate into the family I chose… and I experienced a review of that thru a “dream”.   A group of several of us were meeting to discuss this and it was suggested this could be a risky incarnation… because the mother was not a very stable being.. this surely proved to be true.  But I stood in choosing it because of my grandmother to be WAS a stable  old being who I knew  previously and I would have that to my advantage… And that also proved true .


So I was born and prior to my birth.. my parents married.. for a rather short time.  Highly encouraged by my grandparents on both sides.   My  birth father was hauled to the hospital by maternal grandfather having been found having  a sexual encounter with a  woman NOT my mother at the time, to attend my birth…


He moved in to my grandparents house during the later stages of pregnancy… and over all, my material grandmother  thought he had some redeeming points… but as to marriage it did not work out and terminated when I was about 6 months old. It was NOT a marriage made in heaven by any means.   My mother when I was 3 remarried and I was raised fairly and kindly by my step father..a lovely man who fully accepted me as if I were his… Always miracles do happen….and always did my maternal grandparents stand for me.


My mother was a troubled person.  I do not know why.  This was not her first life.   She often made statements reflecting that she did not ask to be born.   I would not suspect excessive trauma from her own parents… They loved her.. but she was quite a challenge to raise.. always in trouble in school and such growing up .  Lots of stories which included sending her to a private school in a major city after she was booted from the local public school system for unacceptable behaviors and she was booted from the private school also for same reasons and did not advance before her first high school year and I am not sure she finished that one.   She lived with my grandparents until her 2nd marriage and then we moved into our own home.


My mother withheld food from me when I was very young and also gave me laxatives and enemas and I was a small child underweight and short for my age.  The issue with laxatives and enemas continued until I was old enough she couldn’t do that anymore.


She also tried at least once to smother me while we were still living in my grandparents home and my guardian angels interfered and picked her up and threw her violently into a wall… which I guess stopped that but being a supernatural event… left her always looking at me with a strange look after that.


I suffered sexual assault by her which included using a fork to damage my vagina and such  and I had scars from that detected not only by myself…but during my vaginal exams that began when I was a teenager..  for excessive bleeding during my periods.. which was due simply to I have a blood clotting disorder that runs in my the maternal side of my family. Nosebleeds are part of that too and I hemorrhaged during my first C section and other surgeries during my life.


The first doctor to mention the scars  to me.. was also her doctor and I don’t know if any red flags were raised on how I came to have those injuries.. I do know my step father wanted to leave her and take us with him and he spoke of that but it never manifested.  They had 4 children in their marriage… so I have 4 “Half brothers and sister”… and she  at least 5 times as I mentioned above..  successfully terminated pregnancies that I am aware of.


I also have scars from beatings.  And I have some blanks in my memory of how I got those.. I had great fear of that woman however.  And she did brag of “Whaling” the hell out of me when I was young and there were other witnesses to that behavior.  I don’t think I had much “hell” to need to be beat out of me ….


Shortly after I graduated from High School.. she attempted to find boyfriends to marry me off to… One was a malfunctioning fellow from France called Frenchie and I knew then WHY his Father sent him to the US. The other was a local farmer much older than me.. who also have some issues and a farmers wife.. while I highly respect farming.. was not my career choice.


She agitated me constantly in my first year of college and during a year later when

I was attending a private hospital run nursing school.  At that time I was dating a fellow I met in my first year of college and had come to know his family which was in another city not to far away.  My mother had placed a call for unknown reasons to the local cops reporting me for something untrue, and that family came and got me out of there and to a secret place safety.


I  and my boyfriend married shortly thereafter. as I was of age to do so… and that brought some protection from her games and I began my true adult life.  Lovely family of my husband and always supportive of me and him and my marriage thrived for some 17 years …but eventually life changed for us and we separated.  We brought two children into this world who are now successful professional adults in their fields of choice and I am a great grandmother.   Over all Life is Good…  and being I am a survivor… I still stand surviving all that comes forth to me with the assistance of course of my inner Father  Had the abortion been successful.. I would not have this particular family I have begat.. and their descendants…and their gifts to this world.




I once as a nurse observed and assisted an abortion at a hospital… I was a temporary that evening at that hospital in which I had never worked… on that ward and did not know I had been set up to supposedly assist in an actual miscarriage.  It was not… the woman who was my patient had come in bleeding… and it was said for the records this was a threatened miscarriage.  The doctor once we were in the procedure room,   asked her to be sure she was good that this was not the right time. She was not bleeding at all.. her own blood had been injected into her vagina… and this was a way used to get insurance to pay as a miscarriage.


I was there, so I followed thru and watched the embryo be sucked out and put down the GARBAGE disposal in the sink in the procedure room.  Beloveds.. HUMAN LIFE IS NOT GARBAGE.  And since it went into the disposal.. there was no evidence to determine if perhaps the embryo was not normal or something of that sort.  MY SADNESS was immeasurable as I watched the potential of a future human go down that drain.  This was not a rape or anything of that sort.. Hubby was there and they seemed a happy couple anyway.. the timing was just not right.


Beloveds.. if the timing is not right.. either forgo sex or use adequate birth control.  This is called  “taking responsibility”…. which my own mother and father had not done in the heat of whatever.  I too did not take some responsibility prior to my marriage and was pregnant at the time.. but that one ended all by itself after a few weeks.  In fact I had several PLANNED pregnancies for quite some time after our marriage and they were not successful.. but I guess when it was “God’s time”.. I eventually birthed my two children 21 months apart. I had about given up prior to then and we were considering adoption and had started that process. We decided to adopt a child outside our “race” and culture and that idea did not go well with family at all.   And then there was success… and we walked away from the adoption process which was LONG.. that being the will of the Father.


There is a movie out called UNPLANNED which I have not seen.. but I did watch an interview on Fox News with the woman who wrote the book by that name… its worth checking out.  I have heard from others who have seen the film that its excellent.


I have been asked why didn’t my mother put me up for adoption… will that wasn’t in the plans either.. she had married for that short time… and I had been around for some months and in the loving care of my Grandmother…and I count her as one reason I survived my childhood!  She adored me.


And I kept in contact with her spiritually long after she passed this plane… she is on to other adventures now after a short incarnation and I have not heard from her.  She did visit often with me often for years after her passing… always first sending her favorite scent of lavender first to alert me.. and always appearing dressed as she looked as I knew her and dressed in blue.  Its probably been about 10 years now since I had heard from her.


So there beloveds is my story…. Go and prosper well in your spiritual growth, always seeking to do the Will of The FATHER.   Another piece related to this story and more is coming.. but Ihave some research to finish first.   Peace...KAN DAEK  (which is my stellar name and my mother did manage to hear the name I should be called which is quite similar..Candace)








































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