Pantomime season has clearly arrived early in the sleepy city of Salisbury. Can you believe the latest twist in the Skripal saga ? Now two druggies have fallen ill after picking up a contaminated syringe or vial with the deadly (or not so deadly as it turns out) Novichok.
Is it too cynical to suggest that this has happened at a rather fortuitous time for Theresa May, her crumbling government and her own political credibility ?
Despite her and Boris Johnson's best efforts, the World Cup has been a raging success in Russia and football fans, pundits and even the MSM have been singing Russia's praises.
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Despite the fear of the tabloid press and a selection of useful idiots in the House of Commons, led by Stephen Kinnock, the England team have gone and done brilliantly so far in the tournament. To cap it all, no babies or football hooligans have been eaten by the Russians either !
Am I also too cynical to point out that today the splintered cabinet is meeting at Chequers to discuss the EU exit that we voted for and there are rumours of high level resignation threats. The Government is clearly collapsing. In fact, I have bought flat pack cabinets that were more structurally sound than this Tory cabinet. So, what a convenient time to have a nerve gas attack.
However, as per usual the plot has changed again and got even more absurd or unbelievable.
Now we are told the deadly (or not so deadly as it turns out) Novichok is in a syringe or vial. So, of course that begs the question how did it get on to the front door handle? Plus, now there is absolutely no need to spend a million pounds buying the Skripal and the copper's house is there?
I also love the desperate attempts by Sajid Javid to state that the two druggies hadn't picked up the deadly (or not so deadly) novichok anywhere near where he had spent the best part of ten million quid clearing up? Really Sajid ?
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Nerve gas doesn't smell, I am told, but I know for a fact that BULLSH*T does.
Do they really think the UK public is so gullible they would fall for this nonsense? Why isn't anyone in the MSM asking how come the cops who stood outside the door for weeks aren't dead if it was on the handle as just one drop kills ?
Ah yes, I remember now, they washed that question away with the nonsense about the rain. Well if that's the case how come these two have fallen ill four months later? I know we ae suffering a heatwave at the moment but it didn't start in flaming March did it ?
Just in case we are not buying the distraction a couple of the lickspittle tabloids are also ratcheting up the tension by quoting an Intelligence source (there's a misnomer if ever I heard one) saying that Putin is planning a cyber-attack on the UK's infrastructure as soon as the World Cup is over or Russia is knocked out.
So here is a tip, if we beat Sweden tomorrow and we do face Russia in the semis and it goes to penalties, can I suggest you make the tea before the last kick as clearly if we win then Vladimir Putin will knock off all the leccy in the UK immediately!
Who thinks that any one buys this crap ?
Meanwhile, four months have gone by, millions and millions have been spent, people in Salisbury are still clearly in danger and in the dark (and no that's not Putin's fault) and no suspect has been arrested? And we call these people the Intelligence service?
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Wouldn't Theresa have been better off halting the anti-Russian rhetoric and concentrating on what the UK public told her to do and get us out the flipping EU? Or even making sure Donald Trump is treated courteously and given a full state visit so we secured the biggest trade deal around?
Last night, at least seven Tory Ministers met at the foreign office to discuss tactics for today's showdown with May. Rumours circulated that May was going to go for a soft Brexit and wreck any real chance of the UK getting a trade deal with the USA. This deal is clearly on offer from Donald Trump, despite the insults he has had to endure from May and the pipsqueak Mayor of London Sadiq Khan.
Which, as a side issue, yesterday reached a farcical new height, literally and metaphorically, when Khan authorized the flying of a giant inflatable of the most powerful man in the world dressed in a nappy to be flown over Westminster during the President's visit.
This ranks as one of the most childish political gestures in history but then again, the antics of all Parliamentarians over the past 2 years, with regard to our democratic wish to leave the EU, have resembled a school playground.
We gave these spoilt children a clear message on June 23, 2016, and that was that we wanted OUT.
Which part of out do they not understand? How the hell have we got to a point where we clearly have no real agreed strategy and not just in parliament but in the bloody cabinet ?
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Now Sky news is reporting that Boris Johnson met David Cameron on the eve of this key Brexit summit, with the pair agreeing Theresa May's vision for Britain's future relationship with the European Union was "the worst of both worlds".
Other MSM outlets are now reporting that Cameron (the arch quitter) told Boris NOT to quit today.
Meanwhile other newspapers are now reporting that Theresa May has threatened to take away the ministerial car of anyone who does quit. When does she resort to making them sit on the "naughty step"?
Now remember of course the Foreign Secretary and former Prime Minister were on opposite sides of the EU referendum campaign. Strange bed fellows one might say ?
Meanwhile in Russia, the England team are playing with a shared vision and a commitment of putting the team, nation and supporters first. They held their cool, with no superstar antics of previous England teams and won the penalty shoot-out.
The bunch of misfits and egocentric halfwits at Chequers today couldn't score in a brothel and are more likely to score the biggest own goal in this nation's history. These plans being considered by ministers/muppets (delete as appropriate) could see the UK keep a "common rule book" with the EU for all goods, including agricultural and food products.
It looks like Teresa the appeaser is prepared to concede that plans to align the UK with EU regulations in this respect would make a free trade deal with the US unlikely.
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Effectively then we would be out but in. A case of we still pay but have no say!!
Theresa dis May says "We want a deal that allows us to deliver the benefits of Brexit - taking control of our borders, laws, and money and by signing ambitious new trade deals with countries like the US, Australia, and New Zealand,"
"This is about agreeing on an approach that delivers decisively on the verdict of the British people - an approach that is in the best interests of the UK and the EU, and crucially, one that commands the support of the public and parliament."
I am sorry to ruin your weekend Theresa but this idea will not please 17.4 million people who voted democratically to leave let alone your crumbling cabinet. This is a complete sell-out of the British people but Theresa like a failed end of the pier magician is attempting to divert attention away from her miserable failure by blaming Russia.... again.
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Theresa I am telling you, in no uncertain terms and with a nod to the late great Paul Daniels, the UK will not like this, not like this a lot. In fact, quite the opposite, I think you might see a reaction on the streets that we haven't seen since the Poll Tax riots.
I don't know about Donald trump balloons but the British public will probably be hanging effigies in the street of you Theresa.
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