Apparently if it can be confirmed that someone performed at least three miracles during their lifetime, the Church will consider making them a Saint.
If that’s true, Jimmy Savile should be canonised.
Because after all, there are three Savile miracles all of us can confirm:
MIRACLE 1 – with all the resources and expertise available to the many thousands of experienced investigative journalists working on UK newspapers and television, it’s truly miraculous how over five decades none of them – not even one of them - managed to uncover any wrongdoing at all by Savile while he was alive.
MIRACLE 2 – despite many people at the BBC saying it was common knowledge about Savile’s abuse of young girls, it’s a real miracle that at the same time no-one at the BBC apparently knew anything at all about Savile’s abuse of young girls.
MIRACLE 3 – considering how MI5 regularly vets BBC staff, investigates friends of Prime Ministers and carefully checks out anyone with close ties to royalty, surely only a miracle can explain how our security services didn’t notice that Savile – a long-term staff member of the BBC, close friend of a Prime Minister and with close ties to royalty – was an openly practising paedophile.
In fact, it’s nothing short of miraculous the way the British establishment manages to protect itself after committing even the most heinous of crimes – and then manages to get away with covering them up too.